The flags have been hung, and the rainbows are sparkling, but one queen is still getting ready for her debut this Pride Season. The Fabulous Patricia Chiweenie is preparing her latest signature look for Seattle Pridefest's annual Doggy Drag competition.
Patricia isn't like most other drag queens. For one, she's a dog. Eleven months out of the year, Patricia is indistinguishable from any other Capitol Hill canine. She sniffs butts, lifts her leg to pee on every tree, stump, and pole she can find, and fights with her cat roommate. However, when June rolls over, so does Patricia. She dons her fabulous tutus, rainbow crop tops, and, most importantly, her wigs.
Humble beginnings
Patricia was not always Seattle's most fabulous Doggy Drag Queen. Patricia is an enigma of mysterious origins. Her momager discovered her one blustery night on the eve of June. Patricia was cold, skinny, and frightened. Some unforgiving person had dumped her in a parking lot and taken off without her. Like many iconic members of the LGBTQ+ community, Patricia found her true family was willing to accept her for who she was.
Before moving to Seattle, Patricia was indoctrinated by Fox News. The right-wing news channel played in a never-ending loop in her former home. Though she tried to avoid it, the news got to Patricia like a persistent earworm. She developed deeply internalized homophobia, as many Queer folks often do.
Patricia's momager eventually helped her leave that toxic home life behind, but Patricia still had to do lots of unlearning. She is not proud to admit it, but she used to growl and bark whenever she saw her momager display Queer affection. However, Patricia proved that anyone can change and learn to love themselves and others.
After several months of living in Seattle's Gay-borhood (Capitol Hill), Patricia slowly began to see how magical Queer community is. While Patricia does not label her sexuality, she has been known to kiss people of all genders. She especially loves to kiss her momager on the lips. Nobody enjoys Patricia's kisses because they smell like Pike Place Market during a heatwave.
Patricia's first Pride
Patricia got her start in the performance world in 2021. Following the COVID-19 pandemic, Seattle's Pridefest moved to September. Patricia and her momager stumbled across a copy of the Seattle Gay News at their local Top Pot Donuts and noticed an advertisement for Pridefest's Doggy Drag Show. Patricia is a very sassy dog, so her momager encouraged her to try it.
They spent days preparing Patricia's outfit. As all experienced drag queens know, the best outfits are homemade. However, a crisis struck just days before Patricia's debut. She awoke one morning to a painful scratch on her eye. Some believe the abrasion came from her less-than-ideal habit of rolling on the dirty carpet outside her apartment. Others think it may have occurred when she dug through her cat roommate's litter box. Regardless of how it happened, Patricia rushed to her local vet.
The kind doctors at Urban Animal tended to Patricia's every need. She has a lot of needs. Their prognosis was hopeful. Patricia would live. It was only a small scratch. She's so dramatic! However, she was required to wear a cone for the next few weeks.
Patricia was dismayed. The cone of shame would not go over very well at her first-ever Pride event! However, her momager had an idea. She spent hours hunched over the kitchen table, attending to Patricia's cone with a hot glue gun and a pound of rhinestones.
The next morning, Patricia awoke to the most beautiful thing she had ever seen: a cone of Pride. Her prescription cone had been transformed into a fabulous, glittering, rainbow disk. Though the rhinestones made it heavy, Patricia did not mind. She has a thick neck.
Patricia strutted to Broadway, eager to show off her glamorous cone, rainbow tutu, and purple Ariana-Grande-inspired ponytail. When she got to the stage she tucked her tail between her legs. The competition was fierce!
Patricia looked around. There were Gay cowboy dogs, fluffy pups in head-to-paw sparkles, and even a French Bulldog with a rainbow flower collar. Doubts rushed into her head for just a moment. She wondered if she was fabulous enough. Then she remembered her cone of Pride. The cone represented more than just her eye scratch. It was a reminder of who she was and what she had overcome. It was a reminder that the people who didn't believe in her didn't see the good in her, didn't see her sparkle were wrong. The cone was a symbol of her momager's love for her. The cone was about her foremothers, the fabulous queens who fought for their right to be proud.
Patricia held her head high and sashayed across the stage when the human drag queens called her name. She smiled as they "ooo-ed" and "aww-ed." She even winked (with her good eye) as the crowd erupted in applause.
The drag queens only deliberated for a few moments. It was a unanimous decision: The Fabulous Patricia Chiweenie was the show-stopping star! The Queens held Patricia up for photos and kisses. They didn't care that her breath smelled like the docks on Lake Union.
Now Patricia lives every day with Pride. She's proud of her home, community, and her momager, who has very good bedazzling skills. Most of all, she's proud of herself, eye scratch and all.
You can catch The Fabulous Patricia Chiweenie at this year's Doggy Drag Show on June 24 at 1 p.m. at the AIDS Memorial Parkway by Cal Anderson Park.