WHO CARES: THE HIDDEN CRISIS OF CAREGIVING, AND HOW WE SOLVE IT
EMILY KENWAY
© 2023 Seal Press
$30.00
304 pages

For most of her life, Emily Kenway's mother was a strong, independent woman. She raised Kenway and her sister single-handedly, she held a great job, and she dreamed of traveling in her retirement. Sadly, she was diagnosed with cancer at about that time; she soon needed a medical advocate and then help.

Because she was in a position to tackle it, the job fell to Kenway.

It's no surprise, she says in her book Who Cares: the vast majority of caregivers of elderly or ill relatives — whether related or not — are women. In this, she points out, there is no "gender equality." She wonders if it has anything to do with the facts of intimate care and feelings of comfort or embarrassment. She muses about all the assumptions that make people automatically assign a caregiving job to a daughter or sister — even if she's physically or emotionally unable to handle it, even if she has a successful life and a job she's reluctant to relinquish.

Remember too, Kenway says, that many caregivers are "essential workers" that don't get paid.

It's very frustrating, but Kenway shows how caregivers have found ways to cope.

Having like-minded support is key, but it needn't be in person: she and people around the world gather once a week for Zoom groups, in which they discuss issues and offer succor. She adds that artificial intelligence is making strides in the area of home caregiving, which takes some of the pressure off carers.

Caregivers also learn to broaden the "conception of kinship." And in some cases, they have found ways to make government laws work for them.

If you cracked open a copy of Who Cares and you found it seething with anger, would you be surprised? You shouldn't be — and Kenway tells you why.

Once you know — and caregivers already do — you won't be alarmed to see the clear exhaustion and frustration that line the pages of this book, either. There's no softening of either status here; Kenway is wide-open and honest with her feelings, which could be comforting to readers who are experiencing the same but can't say it out loud.

These emotions, it should be noted, are properly aimed: readers will be relieved to see that they're directed outward and not at Kenway's beloved mother.

There's also a list of demands directed at congresspeople here, in case you want to contact yours.

Absolutely, this book is for any caregiver now, and for readers who understand that they'll be on the receiving end of it all someday, in all likelihood. Who Cares is a warning, and a book to keep you awake at night.