Ever since I was a kid, I have been using my own experiences (and traumas) as a bisexual, neurodivergent chronic over-sharer to help my friends, family, and even random strangers on the internet have stronger relationships, better sex, and healthier mindsets. I find joy in writing about all the things no one else wants to talk about. The more cringe, the better.

Using my experience and my innate ability to connect with empathy, every other week I will respond to your questions about life, love, friendships, sexuality, mental health, and whatever else is on your mind. Nothing is off limits.

Dear Izzy,
I'm a Nonbinary Bisexual in a straight-passing relationship with another Bisexual. A lot of my friends are Queer, and they're always supportive, but sometimes I feel like we're not quite fitting in or being accepted. At times, I feel like my partner and I are just seen as a token straight couple, even though we definitely aren't that. What can we do to feel more at ease or fit in better? —Imposter Syndrome in Seattle

Dear Imposter Syndrome,
I am so sorry that you are not feeling accepted by your Queer friends. I know exactly how you feel, and it really sucks. But I am here for you.

Unfortunately, this is all too common for Bisexuals in long-term straight-passing relationships, because people seem to think that the gender of their partner is indicative of their "real" sexuality. Which just isn't true!

Regardless, it hurts to feel like you don't belong, even when you absolutely do. Just remember, do not need to prove your queerness to anyone. Your bisexuality is valid regardless of who you are dating. And if your friends make you feel like you don't belong, then frankly, fuck them. It's biphobic, elitist, and contributes to Bi erasure.

The challenge is that this kind of thinking is so engrained in Queer culture that your friends may not even be aware that this is what they are doing. Have you tried sharing with them how their actions or comments make you feel? You deserve to feel seen, and if they are truly your friends, they will be open to hearing you and hopefully change their behavior.

But this is only a temporary fix. It's hard to feel secure in your sexuality if you are constantly searching for validation from your peers. I recommend finding ways to self-validate your sexuality, so you are not relying on the Queer community to do it for you. This could be in the form of owning your Bisexual look, creating a Bisexual display in your home, or even engaging with the local Bisexual community. Reflect on what being Bisexual means to you and your partner, and you might be surprised what comes from it.

For more ideas, check out the article I wrote on creating Bi visibility in monogamous relationships (https://www.sgn.org/story.php?id=317327/).

Dear Izzy,
I've been seeing the same therapist for a long time. I'm worried that he's getting bored, and I already know what to expect from his answers. How do I keep things spicy with my therapist? Should I search for something new?—Maybe Stable in Seattle

Dear Maybe Stable,
It sounds like you might be the bored one, according to your letter. If you already know what to expect from your therapist's answers and you don't feel as though you are gaining anything from your sessions, you are right that it might be time to look for someone new.

But before you go through that process, I want to introduce you to a concept called therapeutic alliance, which psychotherapists describe as a collaborative relationship between patient and therapist in which they share the common goal of working to overcome the patient's struggles, whatever they may be.

For a therapy to be "successful," both parties need to be aligned on what your goals are and what you are hoping to get out of each session. Because there are so many kinds of therapists, I would start by asking yourself what you want in a therapist and what you don't want.

Start with your current therapist. What don't you like about their methods? Do you wish they gave more tangible advice and tools? Are you tired of talking the whole time and wish they asked better questions? Here is an example of a chart I made when searching for a new therapist a few years back:

What I wanted in a therapist: