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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, May 17, 2013 - Volume 41 Issue 20x
What's eating our Hutch? - Redmond pastor all hot and bothered about Jason Collins
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What's eating our Hutch? - Redmond pastor all hot and bothered about Jason Collins

by D'Anne Witkowski - SGN Contributing Writer

A few weeks ago, if someone had asked you if you knew who Jason Collins is, you likely would have said no, unless you are a big fan of the Washington Wizards (which I doubt). But today, it seems almost as if Collins is the only professional basketball player in the world. His name and face are everywhere. Because he's Gay. Specifically, because he's the first openly Gay male professional player in a major U.S. sport.

It's a BFD. Even President Obama said that he 'couldn't be prouder' of Collins for coming out.

Which is evidence that Obama is clearly taking orders from Satan, according to Pastor Ken Hutcherson of the Antioch Baptist Church in Redmond, Washington.

In a May 2 opinion piece for the Christian Post, Hutcherson used the fact that Obama praised a known homo-sexer and that he spoke to Planned Parenthood recently as proof of Obama's Satanic tendencies and the vast conspiracy he is spearheading against Christians in America.

'[D]o any of you believe there is a connection between [Jason Collins] announcing he is Gay only 72 hours after President Obama's speech to Planned Parenthood?' Hutcherson writes. 'The answer is a resounding YES! More proof that Christian views are very much under attack!'

A WAR ON CHRISTIANITY?
Yes, very much under attack. Poor Christian views in America. Just think of all the taxes churches have to pay. Not to mention the fact that there has never been a single U.S. president who identifies as Christian. Don't get me started about how outnumbered Christians are in Congress. And just try getting Christmas Day off from work! Yes, it's a tough life for America's Christians. And it can all be blamed on Planned Parenthood and Jason Collins, aka 'agents of Satan.'

'The connection between these two stories should be very obvious: they both go directly against God's Holy Word,' Hutcherson continues. 'After all, God hates hands that shed innocent blood (Proverbs 6:17) and is sickened by sodomy (Romans 1:24-27).'

In other words: Collins makes God puke. Of course, the joke is on Collins, according to Hutcherson.

'Collins is being used as a pawn, in the most dangerous game of Russian roulette for his soul,' he writes. Silly Satan, souls are for Christians.

LOCKER-ROOM FANTASIES
Hutcherson also predicts a rude awakening for Collins in the locker room: 'I can't imagine that Collins, standing in the shower after a game, and knowing the vast majority of his teammates are not gay, will go over very well. How about the players standing in the shower with him, knowing that one of their teammates likes other men? Just saying.'

Let's unpack that comment, shall we? First of all, when someone concludes a statement with 'Just saying,' it means, 'I have just said something for which I do not want to take responsibility because it was probably a shitty thing to say.' And, indeed, this thinly veiled 'warning' about things not going 'over very well' for Collins the homo while he is standing naked with a bunch of his hetero teammates is something worth of distancing yourself from. Because it's an asinine thing to say.

Not only is Hutcherson implying that Collins is some kind of pervert who won't be able to keep his eyes and hands off his teammates, but he's also implying that a bunch of grown men can't behave themselves if one of them is Gay, especially if they're all naked. It's an argument that has always left me baffled: how little regard folks like Hutcherson have not just for Gays, but for men entirely. As if a penis makes it impossible to be a decent human being.

Then again, maybe Hutch is projecting his own fantasy of getting into a wrestling match with Collins in the shower while a bunch of other naked guys stand around and watch. Just saying.

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