Dina Martina - Comedian delights, disturbs this season
 

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posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - Volume 38 Issue 48

Dina Martina - Comedian delights, disturbs this season
by Shaun Knittel - SGN Associate Editor

She's baaaaaack! Everyone's favorite Christmas turkey, Dina Martina, returns to Re-bar, and I couldn't be happier! Year after laugh-out-loud year, Dina Martina raises the bar even higher with each holiday extravaganza and 2010 promises to be her best Christmas show yet!

I got the rare opportunity to interview Dina just days before her November 26 opening night at her home away from home - 'Re-bar's place,' as she calls it. And if the hilarious and outlandish way she answered even the most serious of questions is any barometer of just how ridiculously delicious The Dina Martina Christmas Show is going to be, then my advice is for you to hold on to your seats, ladies and gentlemen, because Dina is going to send us all on a rip-roaring sleigh ride to happy land!

Dina, who just recently returned to Seattle, the city she describes as 'a real melting pot of white people,' told me she is ready to pass out jokes like ribbon candy.

'I'm a woman of the '90s with a ballpark figure who loves to sing, dance, and act,' Dina told Seattle Gay News. 'You know what they call that in show business? They call that a 'threat!'

When I first saw the advertisements for her 2010 Christmas show, I must admit (as with most Dina promotions) I was a bit confused, yet intrigued as to why she would use the styling of the Rocky Horror Picture Show - complete with Dina Martina lips - as a poster for a holiday show. What is with the Rocky Horror theme?

'There isn't one. Isn't that neat? I just liked the way it looked on the posters and flyers,' she said. 'I try to avoid themes, because they encourage the audience to cultivate expectations. But isn't it wonderful that all the shows on TV are doing Rocky Horror episodes? Glee and & wasn't there another one? I think Hoarders is doing one. The Rocky Hoarder Picture Show!'

Oh, come, all ye faithful! Dina says she absolutely loves the fact that each holiday season, her legions of loyal fans return to Re-bar to see her show. When asked about her fans, she quickly answered, 'OK, now you're gonna make me cry - I love those guys. There are two 'F' words that are so important to me, and one of them is 'fans' - the other is 'Funyuns.'

Always one for nostalgia, Dina told me, 'I started doing Christmas shows in Las Vegas in the early '70s - I think 1971. Then a number of years in rural Las Vegas, then a couple of years in outer rural Las Vegas, then a short stint on Easter Island, then I started here in Seattle at Re-bar's place in '97.'

Have you been to a Dina Martina show? Confusion and laughter is the recipe of the night. I've had the pleasure of watching Dina on more than one occasion and found myself wondering how she comes up with this shit. Don't lie - so have you!

'Well, I used to write a bunch of random words on little pieces of paper and then pull them out of a hat and then go from there, but a friend showed me how to eliminate the 'hat' stage, so now the process is a little more streamlined,' joked Dina.

At a Dina show, the comedian sings, dances, and shares stories with the audience about anything and everything imaginable. Joining Dina onstage is accompanist Chris Jeffries. Re-bar has been home to Dina and her fans for years.

'Re-bar's place is like a big, welcoming mud room,' she said. 'It's loaded with free radicals, which coat your skin and save it for a later date, and just walking in the door is like getting your own personal beer batter facial. It's also the only place I can think of where you don't feel too bad if you spill your drink.'

So what is Dina Martina's idea of a perfect Christmas? 'Every year, my daughter Phoebe and I prepare a gorgeous feast at home - just the two of us,' she explained. 'Phoebe's adopted, so we usually start with Top Ramen, but I'm a foodie, so it gets pretty wild from there - graham crackers, cocktail onions, you name it. I try to eat a diet rich in sodium to give my face that 'bigger than life' look, and I think it's working. I've been tryin' to eat more brie, too, but it's hard with my schedule. Then, to make room for dessert we put on bigger clothes.'

The song content is always a treat because you never know what holiday tune Dina is going to butcher. 'Asking me what my favorite Christmas song is is like asking me which of my children is my favorite! It's hard to choose one over the others,' she explained. 'Did you see Sophie's Choice? It's like that. I'll just say that two of my favorite artists are Anna Maria Alberghetti and Vangelis.'

This year, Dina said she has some very important news to share with Seattle Gay News readers: 'I'd like the ladies to know that depilatory creams eradicate protein, which is not only the main ingredient in hair and skin, but also meat. So they should really store their Nair away from any lunchmeats they may have. And I'd like the men to know that I'm single.'

Oh jeez. How I love Dina Martina!



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