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Drag Me to Hell outrageously bad
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Drag Me to Hell outrageously bad
by Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid - SGN A&E Writer

Drag Me to Hell
Now Playing


Some time ago, I got this screener for an Italian movie called The Beyond. Since my own technology isn't completely into the 21st century (I do at least have cable and a computer now), I took the DVD to view on my ex's bigscreen TV. The good news about that rather awful film was that at least it was funny, and to this day just the mention of it will provoke much laughter from both my ex and daughter, who saw it with me.

Unfortunately, Sam Raimi's newest experiment in terror, Drag Me to Hell, isn't funny - okay, there are moments that could be, in a future Wayans brothers spoof, and I'm sure there will be a spoof - and it isn't that scary, either. In fact, it was another one of those films where, at a certain point, I started looking at the main character's shoes - not a good sign for me if I'm reviewing a film, and believe me, even those shoes were pretty boring after a while.

Raimi, who did such a good job with Spider-Man (and, I guess, with the Evil Dead trilogy, since I never saw them and I can only guess), uses the sledgehammer technique this time, and not to good effect, trust me.

Alison Lohman stars as a lackluster loan officer in a divey bank, where she's in line for a promotion to executive loan officer (or something like that), if only she can get her snarky boss to notice and get him to ignore her brownnosing co-worker. So, one day, a cliché in gypsy garb - an old woman who looks like she'd be at home in the Hansel and Gretel stories as the wicked witch - shows up, begging Christine (Lohman) to give her more time on her loan so she's not on the street.

To her credit, mousey Christine does have a moment's sympathy and appeals to her boss to take pity on the poor old soul. Ah, but he holds that executive position out like a carrot, and, horse that she is, Chris falls like a house of cards, setting in motion a horrible curse from the outraged gypsy woman, who sends a lamia (a purely evil spirit who taunts the victim for three days, then on the third, drags them to hell) to make her pay.

With her lame-assed boyfriend (Justin Long, that guy from the PC/Mac commercials) in tow, she seeks help from yet another gypsy fortuneteller and the woman who first met the lamia after a young boy was dragged to hell in front of her.

Growing increasingly desperate after she's spewed blood all over her boss and co-workers (you know you're in the wrong job when your boss is more worried if blood got in his mouth than why your nosebleed has turned into a torrent), Chris slaughters her innocent cat (to no avail) and sits in on a useless séance that only makes matters worse. Finally, following the gypsy psychic's advice to return the object that bears the curse (a button from Christine's coat that was torn off by the old woman in a fight that's as much comic as horrifying), our completely clueless "heroine" digs up the old woman, who died after losing her house, and forces the envelope she thinks the button's in down the dead woman's throat. And even though she nearly drowns after an instant rainstorm floods the open grave, Christine survives to meet her boyfriend and make a dash to get away from her recent past. Ah, but things don't go her way after all, and maybe someone who forces a clerk to open a store just so she can buy a new coat and who kills her cat and who puts a promotion over an old woman's ability to keep her home should suffer going to hell. Hey, I didn't say this film made any sense, now did I? Personally, I'd wait for the DVD to see Drag Me to Hell, then you can invite friends over, make popcorn and make fun of the many outrageously bad acting moments and ridiculous special effects.
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