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Wednesday, Oct 08, 2008
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| Worst of Music 2007 | |
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by Albert Rodriguez, Richard Kennedy and Jessica Browning -
SGN A&E Writers Hottest Artists of the Year | Top Albums/CDs | Live Performances | Feature Artist Interview | Singles/Tracks | Worst Music of 2007 We can't have a list of the year's best music offerings without a list of the year's worst. Here is our rundown, in order of selection, of 2007's most horrible albums, singles and performances. 1. Britney Spears MTV VMA performance Britney Spears did everything wrong in 2007, like running over a photographer's foot and shaving her head in a tattoo parlor. Her anticipated comeback on MTV's Video Music Awards turned into a very bad nightmare, forgetting the lyrics and moving around onstage like a half-chilled bowl of pudding. Furthermore, the stripper-bad-girl look is not intended for mothers of two. A. Rodriguez 2. Britney Spears "Gimme More" (single) Gimme more is right! We don't even expect much from Brit, just a good time - and she couldn't even deliver that with this un-catchy and overproduced mess of a comeback single. She didn't even try. R. Kennedy 3. Bjork Volta (album) Being weird has worked in Bjork's favor for over a decade, dating back to her years with The Sugarcubes. But this year's ear-aching mishmash of an album, a too-conceited attempt by the Icelandic princess, wasn't so much weird as it was un-listenable and boring. A. Rodriguez 4. Fergie "Big Girls Don't Cry" (single) AHHHH, MY EARS!! THEY ARE BURNING!!! I can't listen to this drivel one more time. Trite lyrics ("I'm gonna miss you like a child misses its blanket") make this clichéd ballad impossible to get out of your head. My favorite Fergie moment of the year was in Grindhouse, when I watched zombies eat her brain. R. Kennedy 5. Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson "Because of You" (single) Country dinosaur (and Bush pal) Reba McEntire used younger, hipper acts to launch her musical return, a forgettable Duets album that included this collaborative dud with Kelly Clarkson. Next time Reba, rework your own bad material. A. Rodriguez 6. Paul McCartney Memory Almost Full (album) As if the title wasn't depressing enough, every time you walked into a Starbucks this year Paul's goofy mug and hunched-over sport coat-look had me clenching my jaw in shame. Perhaps the ugly court battle with ex-wife Heather Mills made a horrible sell-out to Starbucks sound attractive. Ugh. J. Browning 7. Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah" (single) Words cannot describe how tortuous this mindless drivel of a "folk" song is. If I received a puppy love serenade like this, I'd laugh in my geeky suitor's face and promptly send him packing. On second thought, I'd take his guitar away first to prevent any future offenses. J. Browning 8. Celine Dion Taking Chances (album) The lead single is a bore, nothing new and completely over-sung as usual. The entire mess is on this list for two reasons; her atrocious version of Heart's "Alone" and the bizarre album cover where she almost looks like a horse-woman from another planet, even after an enormous amount of airbrushing. Is she even human anymore? R. Kennedy 9. Josh Groban "Oprah's Favorite Things" performance Josh Groban is nice to look at, though his sappy performance on Oprah's over-priced trinkets "holiday" episode had me wishing for a very silent night. His music on this wacky giveaway special, where Fed-Ex "elves" hand-delivered panini grills to gasping audience members, was under the direction of sap maestro David Foster. A. Rodriguez 10. The Spice Girls "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)" (single) Like Britney, we don't expect much, just a good time! Why on earth these broads released a comeback "ballad" is beyond me. It flopped big time in the UK and US, in spite of their successful tour. They take themselves WAY too seriously, attempting to lament and look back fondly on what they think is a historical career. Lighten up, girls. R. Kennedy Honorable Mention / "Shame on You Award" to Amy Winehouse for bad behavior Amy Winehouse, pull it together! It was bad enough this little drama queen cancelled her US tour. She was my brightest hope for 2007 and now she can't keep her white-powdered little nose out of the tabloids. For shame! Please grow up soon - we love to hate you, Amy. J. Browning |
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