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Dear Santa,
[Editor's Note: The following is a comedic take on the holidays, provided to the SGN in the form of a letter to the editor.]
I know that I am remiss in communicating with you for the last several years, but I was uncomfortable with receiving Holy Underwear Cologne and assorted men's toiletries that smelled like dirty socks.
Just to make it perfectly clear, please send me a Body Queen that would melt cheese - in addition to being young, vigorous, and clean-cut. As I am getting older, I don't want a machine trying for Olympic recognition.
Too often the Body Queens I've met appear personable, but really don't have much to say except sharing information about their workouts. I want a human being that is a gifted and intelligent man who doesn't believe oleomargarine is a body cream.
Yes, I could use some men's fragrances - like from jock straps and arm pits.
Santa, get with it this year or you won't get any of my holiday fruitcake cookies.
Sincerely,
Randy Mail
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