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October 20, 2006
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Volume 34
Issue 42
 
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General Gayety by Leslie Robinson
Birds do it
A museum in Norway is teaching people about Gay birds and bees . . . and whales.

The Oslo Natural History Museum offers documentation of homosexuality among dozens of creatures in a just-opened exhibition.

Which means the critters make an exhibition of themselves.

In one photograph, two male right whales get intimate, their enormous and erect penises apparent above the water. In another, a male giraffe mounts a second male giraffe. I've no idea whether he bought him dinner first.

Another exhibit features two stuffed female swans sitting on a nest; Gay bird couples do sometimes rear young. Who then grow up enduring their peers' fowl-mouthed taunts.

The exhibition covers beetles, parrots and penguins that partake of the love that dare not speak its name. The exhibition's director, Geir Soeli, told Reuters, "Homosexuality has been observed for more than 1,500 animal species, and is well documented for 500 of them."

Speaking of the reasons for Gayness or bi-ness in animals, Soeli said, "The sexual urge is strong in all animals . . . It's a part of life, it's fun to have sex."

Blabbermouth. Now everyone will know.

The exhibition is called "Against Nature." Along with the scads of evidence it presents of homosexuality among animals, it offers this statement: "We may have opinions on a lot of things, but one thing is clear-homosexuality is found throughout the animal kingdom, it is not against nature."

The museum concludes that human homosexuality isn't "unnatural."

Bravo. We knew that, but it's great to see the larger world catching up. The museum believes its exhibition is a planet-wide first. A zoo in Holland, said Soeli, once provided visitors with tours to view the resident Gay couples.

That must've been a bit out of the ordinary for the animals. I can picture a stork elbowing-make that kneeing-his partner.

"Hey, here they come. A bunch of humans wearing rainbow stickers on their shirts. Imagine paying extra just to see us."

"Especially to see you. You look like hell. Fluff your feathers."

"At least we're cuter than the Lesbian snapping turtles they just gawked at. Oh no, I see Gay activists in the group. That means they won't leave till we do something Gay, and they get to cheer."

"Then they'll be here a while, because until you attend to your feathers, I'm not going near you."

It isn't the slightest surprise that one faction of Norwegian society objected to "Against Nature" even before it opened at the Oslo Natural History Museum. Some Christians condemned the exhibition, which was partly funded by the government.

According to Soeli, one condemner said exhibition organizers should "burn in hell." If they do, I assume they'll study hell's fauna.

Personally, I hope they get a raise for breaking new ground. I've read of examples of Gay behavior in animals for years, but I sure didn't know it was this prevalent. No wonder conservative Christians are spooked. They've insisted for centuries that homosexuality is unnatural, a crime against nature. Now it turns out the real crime is criminalizing homosexuality.

But we'll be big. We won't press charges.

What can conservatives do in the face of mounting evidence that homosexuality is very natural? They could say that since God made nature, He made Gay nature, so it's hunky-dory. Yup, that's likely.

Or they could take the view that all these Gay animals are sinning against God's order, and it's time to put them on the right path. I expect to see billboards with biblical threats in forests; preachers bellowing in swamps; and ex-Gay groups in zoos. It'll be a jungle out there.

When it comes to many animal species, Leslie Robinson can't tell the males from the females. E-mail her at LesRobinsn@aol.com, and read other columns at www.GeneralGayety.com.

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