September 29, 2006
Volume 34
Issue 39
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Friday, Sep 25, 2020



Coming Out: Gay too
Coming Out: Gay too
by Buzz Flowers - Special to the SGN

Several years ago I received a very short letter from my son declaring his homosexuality. What a surprise! I was left speechless trying to come to terms with the situation. What should I do or say?

After several days I decided to respond to my son's letter by telling him his lifestyle would not be affecting our relationship in any way, although I wanted him to know about some of the cracks in the foundation about being Gay. I suppose, more than anything else, I wanted him to avoid some of the critical issues facing Gay people today including users, abusers, and health concerns.

Knowing how to approach this subject wouldn't be easy for me. In addition to accepting his sexual identity, would I be able to tell him he wasn't alone with this subject and reveal my own sexuality at the same time? We decided to go to dinner and then on to the old Timberline. When we arrived, it most certainly was a new world for him -- with the scores of dancers carrying on. It didn't take him too long to discover that his father had a large retinue of Gay friends.

Previously, our relationship at best consisted of holidays and infrequent phone calls. After admitting he was Gay, we began to see each other more socially at bars, theatres, and activities in the community, which gave me an opportunity to meet his new friends.

It hasn't been all rosy along the way. There have been bad times, the wrong people, and situations that have been disheartening. Although I initially told him to be careful in his choice of situations, partners, and romances; he too discovered early on that life doesn't make any promises whatsoever. Sometimes you have to learn to tap dance emotionally.

His father hasn't escaped the bad scenes throughout the years with a multiplicity of negative situations - none of which have me disillusioned. There must be someone out there with whom to share their family explorations.

Luckily, my son met that important somebody in his life after several years of barnstorming the Gay community. He learned very rapidly that there are more flesh traders out there than butterflies in Monterey, California. The price of a body was relatively cheap: a few drinks, conversation, and sensual attraction.

The lifestyle of his father is somewhat less active with trips to the city only once a week and communicating with Gay friends. I am damn happy my son has found the happiness he deserves. Happiness is so damn elusive. It feels good to know whatever you taught your son has been worthwhile.

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