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Volume 34
Issue 39
 
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Sex Talk by Simon Shepard
Speaking of adventure
"When I have sex outside my primary relationship," says one fellow who fools around a bit, "I want to go on an adventure, to try something I don't usually do. I have an executive-level job where I'm in control all the time, but once when I was on a business trip, I met this older man who said he wanted to dominate me. I went over to his place, and the first thing he did was tell me to strip - immediately. That whole evening was just incredible."

Certainly, sex provides ample opportunities for getting out of a rut and into varying degrees of trouble. Nonmonogamous erotic explorers can find a new possibility in every partner, be it a first-ever three-way or a foray into flogging. As another fellow says, "I'm usually pretty vanilla, but every once in a while I get in a 'What the hell' mood and go online to seek out something a little kinkier. Or a lot kinkier."

Even faithful fellows can become sexplorers. Variety is just the thing to add some spice when monogamy gets monotonous. "We decided to experiment," says one man in a years-long relationship. "It turned out that my boyfriend liked to be spanked, and - quite conveniently - that I enjoyed spanking him."

Erotic adventuring can be a matter of seeking out a novel setting, too. It can be as convenient as a session at that sex club around the corner, or as exotic as snogging on the beach at Bali. But the most important thing is a willingness to take a chance. Though routine can be just fine, shame and shyness can keep one's sexual horizons needlessly constrained.

That's not to say that every expedition succeeds; many an erotic Indiana Jones sometimes finds himself at a dingus-deflating dead end. Before setting out into a jizz-filled jungle, preparations should be made, care taken, maps consulted. Some activities, simple as they may look, work out better under the tutelage of an experienced hand or a good guidebook, and more advanced scenes - temporary piercing, say - are potentially physically perilous if not done right. Fortunately, a plentitude of how-to manuals and carnal classes can steer the open-minded novice into lust's furthest reaches.

Smart adventurers take an emergency kit along. If you're going to try getting screwed for the first time, make sure you've got plenty of lube and at least a couple of rubbers, and if you're going to tie someone up, have a pair of scissors handy. And it should go without saying that overly relaxing oneself with alcohol or other substances can be a senses-dulling recipe for disaster.

Before getting kinky with the new kid on the block, pre-play negotiations are vital. It's important to know your new buddy's experience and expectations, to mutually set limits, and to get a feeling of just how trustworthy Mr. Right Now is. But even the best-laid plans may not pan out when it comes to actually getting laid. Your favorite wank-off fantasy may turn out to feel completely different from what you expected, once you do it in the flesh.

But the truth of the matter is that most erotic expeditions are worth taking, at least once or twice. Our submissive executive confides, "Sure, some of the stuff I've tried has been interesting, rather than great. And once in a while, something just doesn't work out at all. But almost always, I'm glad I tried something new. At least I know what it feels like, even if I never do it again. And then there are those things I've discovered I really enjoy, and end up doing more often. Either way, I'm glad I had the guts to give it a go."



Simon Sheppard is the author of Sex Parties 101, Kinkorama, and In Deep: Erotic Stories, and can be reached at SexTalk@qsyndicate.com. Visit Simon at www.simonsheppard.com.

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