Friday September 22, 2006 SGN.org |
 |
Volume 34 Issue 38 |
 |
|
Thursday, Aug 28, 2008
|
 |
||||||||
|
||||||||
|
|
||||||||
 |
Op-ed: National Coming Out Day, AGAIN? |
||
 |
||
| Op-ed: National Coming Out Day, AGAIN? | ||
| by Paul Varnell
A recent newspaper cartoon by Harry Bliss shows a man in his forties, wearing a sleeveless sweater and glasses, in a cemetery kneeling in front of two tombstones, saying, "Mom, Dad, I'm Gay. Wow, that was easy." Which brings us to National Coming Out Day (NCOD) on October 11. I know, I know, you're heartily tired of hearing exhortations to come out and you're already out to some people and anyway isn't NCOD kind of a retro 1970s sort of thing? True enough, more people are openly Gay now, including maybe you. But if 9 percent of the men and a somewhat smaller number of the women in our 12 largest cities are Gay or Bisexual, as the National Opinion Research Center discovered more than a decade ago, I don't see any indication that they are all out of the closet. And I bet you can think of people to whom you've never specifically indicated that you're Gay. So NCOD has an ongoing relevance. If you want help, here are some helpful tips for coming out gracefully, some of them learned the hard way. 1) Coming out is best done not with a big announcement but by simply being out and talking about your life the same way everyone else talks about theirs. 2) If it has to be an announcement, put it in the context of some achievement connected with being Gay. A friend once told me how proud he was to be part of a Gay chorus that had performed in Carnegie Hall, but he couldn't tell his parents because they didn't know he was Gay. His parents learned he was Gay anyway when he died of AIDS soon after. They never learned about Carnegie Hall. 3) Don't wait for other people to ask if you are Gay. If you aren't open about your sexuality, they may assume that you feel ashamed or guilty about it and don't want to talk about it, so they will never ask for fear of offending you. 4) Don't ask for or expect immediate affirmation. Remember you've had years to get used to being Gay. Give friends and family a little time. This is not just about you; this is about them too. 5) Ignore advice from well-meaning people who say, "Well, that's OK with me, but don't tell your _______ ." Most people overestimate other people's discomfort with the issue. Well meaning but misguided "Don't tell" advice only perpetuates Gay self-oppression. But in a way, NCOD has morphed from a day in which all Gay people were supposed to tell their heterosexual relatives, friends and colleagues that they were Gay into being one that encouraged Gay visibility generally and particularly at institutions like colleges and high schools. At least that is where the event has seemed the most organized. And an organized event does seem desirable. Anything that adds publicly visible impetus to come out is a good thing. It seems easier to disclose your homosexuality when you are confident that others are doing it too. There is courage in numbers. If so, what we need is some way to organize NCOD and make it work for Gay visibility and openness in urban areas and city suburbs too. Perhaps we could borrow an idea from displays of the AIDS Quilt where they used to read the names of people who died of AIDS. You could hold a demonstration at some prominent site-outside a government building or a plaza with substantial pedestrian traffic. Assemble as large as possible a group of Gays and Lesbians to announce their names to the world. "My name is Larry Jones, I am a computer programmer and I am Gay." "My name is Lucy Smith. I am a store owner and I am Lesbian." "My name is Brian Jackson. I am a designer and I am Gay." (Be sure to get a police permit and invite the media.) If you wanted to you could mix in famous historical figures. "Oscar Wilde, English author and playwright." "Hannah Gluckstein, 20th century English painter." "Peter Tchaikovsky, Russian composer." The Encyclopedia if Homosexuality is a reliable guide to that information. If you have sufficient resources, you could create and distribute small buttons that say "I'm out" for Gays and Lesbians and "I support coming out" for supportive heterosexuals. I confess that I mytself am not comfortable wearing any sort of buttons or insignia that assert anything-religion, politics, sexuality. But many people are, and this would give them a chance to do that usefully. I used to think that Gay visibility was all that was necessary. It turns out that is not true. Many people know us and even love us, but still vote for homophobic politicians and for referendums limiting the legal rights of Gays to marry. We must all begin explaining to our heterosexual friends the various ways in which the law treats Gays unequally and deprives us of rights they take for granted. These things are familiar to us, but many heterosexuals have never thought about it because they have no reason to, and won't do so until we bring it to their attention. That is our next task. Many of Paul Varnell's previous columns are posted at the Independent Gay Forum (www.indeGayforum.org). His e-mail address is Pvarnell(at)aol.com. |
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
International Readers |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 It's new! and live from Bumbershoot! |
 |
 |
|
|
working for the freedom to
|
copyright Seattle Gay News - DigitalTeamWorks 2006